


Courage in What You Say

by pyrrhical (anoyo)



Series: Author's Favorites [6]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-21
Updated: 2010-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-18 14:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5932009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anoyo/pseuds/pyrrhical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk calls Sam after the events of the Reboot film, to let him know what's happened.  3rd person Kirk POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Courage in What You Say

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 1/21/10 [here](http://pyrrhical.livejournal.com/166576.html).

Kirk remembers the last time he saw Sam -- _and he'll always call him "Sam," something in his mind just can't quite wrap around "George," though he knows that his brother is showing more strength than Kirk will ever find within himself by taking the name of their father and raising it to stand for something else_. On his twenty-first birthday, the vid messages that he and Sam had been leaving one another for years had managed to be a real conversation, and Kirk can honestly say that he's sure neither of them had been expecting it.

He had stopped home to grab something, he doesn't remember what, and heard the phone ringing. He had answered without thinking, and seeing his brother blinking back at him, clearly prepared to leave a message, he hadn't been quite sure how to respond. He knows that whatever buzz he'd had had flown right out the window, but that had been the moment Kirk had decided that his twenty-first birthday was one that he really didn't want to remember.

Unfortunately, Kirk's memory has never worked quite like that. The thing about being smart is that you don't get to pick and choose when you're smart and when you're not. Kirk didn't get to choose to remember every little detail, even when he'd have given a kidney to drop a few of them by the wayside, nor would he have chosen to be a complete dunce when it came to dealing with the one person he'd looked up to all his years as a child, submerged as he was in embarrassing gratitude and hero worship.

"Happy birthday," Sam had said, running a hand through his hair, darker than Kirk's, and longer. 

Kirk had nodded, tugging his jacket straight in an awkward attempt to maybe look a little less like he'd been drinking since 10:00 in the morning. "Thanks," he said. He had tugged his jacket once more as the silence stretched out into neither brother knowing what to say without the comfort of a rehearsed message.

Finally, Sam had managed, "How are you doing, down there?" his mouth quirking in that way that meant that he found something funny, but that something was more _Sam_ than anything else. It was a little deprecating, but a lot familiar, and it went a long way to reminding Kirk that this was his brother, and he shouldn't feel so uncomfortable.

But he had, even if that little smirk had lessened it. "Fine," he had said. "Mom's off-world."

"Yeah," Sam had replied. "I spoke with her not too long ago." Kirk hadn't asked if "spoke with" meant the message game for Sam and their mom, too, or if they had more of a normal relationship. He had found that he didn't really want to know.

"How's the research going?" Kirk had asked, thanking his memory, at that moment, for never letting a detail slide. He knew that his brother was doing research on something, so Sam had never elaborated, likely assuming that Kirk didn't want to know. Kirk _did_ want to know, but he didn't want to have the conversation asserting that desire, and so his lack of knowledge won out. 

Sam had looked a little surprised that Kirk was asking, but he'd replied, "Well. My research partner and I are coming to a lot of really great findings." Sam had turned, then, as a knock sounded in the background. He had cursed as he turned back to the screen, but Kirk had cut him off before he had to say anything.

"Hey, go be busy," Kirk had said, grinning in the most charming way he knew. The relieved look in his brother's eyes had left him feeling split between comfort and heartbreak. Comfort that his brother could go on with his life around this awkward blip, and heartbreak that he could no longer tell when Kirk was putting on a face, and when he meant it. "Thanks for calling."

His brother had given him a soft smile, and Kirk had recognized it, but he couldn't help but second-guess after his own actions. "Any time," Sam had said. "Maybe we'll catch each other again, when a couple more major planets align."

Kirk had laughed before he cut the connection, and then he had gone to get very, very drunk. He didn't know what Sam had done. He did know that somewhere between his lying drooling on the floor of a bar in Iowa and shocking his Academy instructors with his first above-and-beyond scores, Sam had started signing off as "George." Maybe those planets had aligned again, but they'd done so for another reason.

This time, Kirk causes them to align. He had forced the Narada into submission, and the news of both Vulcan's destruction and Earth's near-destruction is running like a hot virus around both Federation and non-Federation planets; soon, either the Starfleet higher-ups will sign the release forms to acknowledge which ship and crew had accomplished that defeat, or that news will be leaked "anonymously." After all of that, forcing whatever planets need to align for him to speak face-to-face with his brother to do so has to be a cakewalk, and Kirk will be damned if he's letting Sam find out via news feed.

His mother had offered, but he had turned her down. If he's going to be a Starfleet Captain, he's going to need to start taking care of his own business, no matter how long he's been avoiding doing just that. Kirk knows this, recognizes it, even, and that's why he uses the terminal aboard the first docking station the _Enterprise_ comes to in order to send a relay to the colony on which his brother is stationed. The message simply reads, _Incoming message; be prepared to receive._ It's a simple enough task, but neither he nor Sam has ever used it before.

He waits the requisite fifteen minutes, breathing calmly and reminding himself that it's just his brother, and he's proud of what he's accomplished. When the fifteen minutes have passed, he inputs the code for his brother's contact, and he isn't left waiting for long.

Sam answers, and he visibly slouches with relief when he sees Kirk on the other side of the line, exhaling, "Jim! Christ, you're all right."

Kirk hadn't considered that Sam would be worried about whether or not he was alive, but when he thinks about it -- Vulcan destroyed, as well as a good 70% of his cadet class at the Academy -- it's the conclusion he would have come to, too, if he'd been given an incoming message warning. "Yeah, I'm fine," Kirk says, inwardly wincing at how unnecessary it was. Obviously he's fine: he's speaking to Sam, and Sam's already said that.

"What happened?" Sam asks, coming straight to the point, a trait that Kirk's always associated with Sam's scientist nature. His brother has pinched the bridge of his nose and is taking the deep breaths that Kirk himself had before placing the call, and Kirk finds himself comforted in a strange, warming way by that.

It's comforting enough that he's able to tell the story, bracing himself with a set to his jaw that he knows will give him a headache, but that will be later, and in that "later" he can ask Bones to make it go away. Right now, he needs to do this. "The main fleet was dealing with a problem elsewhere, so we were sent to the distress call at Vulcan," Kirk says, knowing how much he can say from the press briefings that he and his bridge crew have already had, prepping them for when they'll be bombarded and releasing confidential material will still have them court-martialed. "I was aboard the _Enterprise_ with Captain Pike, and heard the briefing mention a 'lightning storm in space.' That, combined with a transmission I had overheard, led me to the conclusion that we were warping into a trap.

"We entered Vulcan airspace on high-alert and managed to remain in one piece." Put so simply, Kirk wants to believe that it could have happened to anyone. "The war criminal Nero took Captain Pike hostage, and after a series of horrific events that included Nero's destruction of Vulcan, we were able to use the same substance that Nero used to destroy Vulcan to destroy the Narada." Uncharacteristically, Kirk finds himself with no desire to boast, or to continue in detail about the story. He knows that telling his brother classified information is against regulations, but he also knows that his brother will take it to his grave. It would be perfectly safe. His reticence is simply his own desire not to relive the experience.

Sam stares for a few moments before he says, "I know you're leaving a lot out, Jim, and not just because I know that's how it works." His brother's voice is quiet but steady, and Kirk likes to think that's how his father would have been, if he had lived. Sam continues, "But that's fine. I appreciate you telling me before it hit the press. It's definitely good to know that you're all right."

"Actually," Kirk says, knowing that he's lost a lot of the composure he drew up for himself, "there's a bit more." He thinks that if he were religious, this would be where he'd be praying that he isn't blushing in front of his brother, but the telltale beginnings of a smirk on Sam's face tell him that he might be. At least Bones isn't here to tell the tale. 

"Oh yeah?" Sam asks, and Kirk hears some of the kid he once knew in his voice and grimaces.

Kirk clears his throat before he says, "Well, part of that series of events included me becoming Captain of the _Enterprise_." He realizes that he's looked away from Sam partway through his sentence and forces himself to look back, before immediately wishing he hadn't. 

Sam's face is a mixture of shock, amusement, and curiosity, which makes him look like he's on the verge of both hysterical laughter and an aneurysm. "What!" he shouts, sitting up out of the slouch he'd maintained ever since realizing that Kirk hadn't died in the tragedy of the past week. "What 'series of events' could _possibly_ lead to a cadet becoming _Captain of a starship_?"

This, Kirk is _certain_ Sam learned from their father. This ability he has to sound admonishing and impressed all at once. He sure as hell didn't get it from their mother, who just starts breaking things and screaming, which definitely works wonders for behavioral problems when she's within the same solar system. "Uh," Kirk says, straightening his jacket in a nervous gesture he's never quite grown out of, "I don't suppose you'll accept that that's highly classified information?"

"The hell I will!" Sam shouts, throwing his arms up in the air and letting loose his obvious desire to both laugh and become hysterical. "Jim! You're twenty-five! You can't have a _starship_!"

"Hey," Kirk says, putting all his energy into sounding offended, and not letting the relief that's flooding in from every direction, echoing with _he's impressed, he cares, he's still my brother, there's still something there_ , seep into his voice, though he's sure he's doing about as good of a job as Sam at keeping himself from relaxing into hysterical bemusement. "I'll have you know that I just saved the whole planet. I mean, another one got destroyed, sure, and I was there for that, but I saved one, so you can't hold the other against me." He grins, pouring charm into it, though he knows that it only partially hides the relief that's in his eyes and sinking into the lines of his shoulders. "I earned that starship. I even saved Pike and the fabric of the universe."

Sam is laughing outright, and Kirk can't help but smile with him, hoping that this can be the beginning of some sort of new relationship with his brother. _All it really took_ , he thinks, _was the destruction of one planet, a hole in time-space, and a lot of forced growing-up. Someone should have put a warning label on something, somewhere in there._

"All right," Kirk admits, trying to keep the good humor flowing, "I suppose I did get marooned for mutiny partway through, but that was by a very emotionally compromised Vulcan, so it doesn't count. He apologized, even." He purses his lips, remembering. "Sort of. He apologized for trying to kill me, at any rate. He didn't apologize for marooning me, since if he hadn't, we wouldn't have gotten the formula for trans-warp beaming that made it possible for us to stop Nero, so, really, that part saved the world. And I was sort of being a dick."

"That's a shock," Sam says, rolling his eyes as he relaxes back into his chair. "Imagine, James T. Kirk being a dick. The world will never be the same."

Kirk gives his brother what he knows is a juvenile response, but he can't help it, and he's pretty sure Sam deserves it for that one. After a bit more petty arguing, he makes it to the third, and final, point of his call. "Anyway, I have one last thing before I go, but I have to make it quick, since I have yet another debriefing in, oh, three minutes."

"Three minutes? How far away is this debriefing?" Sam asks, raising an eyebrow in a way that Kirk _knew_ had been familiar when he'd seen Spock do it. That's a little creepy.

"More than three minutes' walk?" Kirk guesses, grinning. Before Sam can berate him, he continues, "Anyway, after I officially accept the _Enterprise_ , Starfleet is holding a ceremony for the crew and their families, to 'show gratitude in the wake of such a loss.' I already called mom, who said she'd be there, but I'd really like you to be there, too." He gives Sam a smile that he hopes is cocky and charming, but he's pretty sure it's more shy and honest than anything else.

Sam smiles and nods. "Sure thing," he says. "Send me the details?"

"Done," Kirk says, already dropping the file into a message for his brother. "I'm glad you accepted, since I already put down 'George Samuel Kirk plus one.'" This time he knows his grin is cocky, and he waves goodbye and cuts the transmission before his brother can get out more than an amused and fake-enraged shout.

Kirk knows that it'll take more than one good phone call to have any sort of real relationship with his brother; there's too much history there to ignore. Too much hurt, and loss, and betrayal, and missing. But it's a start, and Kirk's willing to take what he can get. Hopefully, this party will be the next step. After that, all Kirk can do is keep walking forward. After everything else, that seems like the least that James T. Kirk can accomplish. Somehow, Kirk knows that they'll make it, eventually. 

Which is quite a lot more than he can say for this briefing, but hey, at least he doesn't need that headache hypo. That's probably a good thing; he might've been allergic, and it doesn't do to up Bones' blood pressure that much in such a short period of time.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by , who is fabulous and amazing and fixed a sentence that I'm pretty sure had four tenses in it (no, I don't know what the fourth one was, either). I'm a sucker for infinite changes in iterations of the same thing, and seeing how minute differences change a character, or psychology of a character, and of course that led to my ridiculous fascination with Kirk after the Reboot movie. After a writing challenge popped my STXI cherry, this is the first thing that I wanted to write, and so I did. Title from "Promises" by Badly Drawn Boy.


End file.
